Would Have, Could Have, Will Not
by deeplyinloves
Summary: We would have told each other how we felt, we could have been something special, but we will not risk to lose what we have now. ANY PAIRING YOU IMAGINE (SLASH).


_Disclaimer: I don't own the boy I'm describing. Or just the boys in general._

_A/N: I've wanted to do a one-shot for a while now and I've finally found the inspiration I needed to write one. This takes on true-ish events in my life. Hope you like it ^.^_

_P.S: This story is about pairing you want. That's how I intended to write it._

**Would Have, Could Have, Will Not **

I wish you would find the courage in your heart to tell me, because there's no way in hell I would risk our 'friendship' by telling you myself.

I can see it in your eyes. I know you like me. More than a friend.

I don't know when you realized it, but it took my heart a while to truly understand my feelings towards you.

You're like brotherly figure. I've never had one, so it's nice to have a 'brother' who'll tease you but care for you. I would trade my crybaby sister for you, but I don't think I want to.

Because there's something else.

I like you. A lot more than what we are now; _friends_.

Friends who see each other at school but don't have the same crowd. Friends who don't have the guts to ask for each other's number to contact the other somehow.

We're like intersecting zig-zag lines. We meet, we part, we meet, we part, we meet, we part, and it's the same thing every day.

But every single day, I wish I could be with you longer than the time allowed.

You sit at the other side of the classroom during first period History. But before we switched seats, I sat next to you. I thought it was fate. Fate wanted us together, to become friends who would slowly fall in love. But then, it was just assigned seats. And you were the boy who liked to tap at my shoulder and give me wink-y faces and kick at my foot and tell me stories about your family and life and we would play paper-ball soccer with our pencils and make markings on each other's papers and arms.

I didn't think much of it then. I just thought you were really annoying, but good company.

I guess it was because I was too busy getting the boy's attention sitting across from me.

But now, maybe it was playful flirting. Maybe you were trying to tell me something. But I didn't want to guess wrong. That's why I don't want to tell you.

Now we're far apart. We're sitting next to the people we always wanted to sit next to. Sometimes I like to think that even though your real friends are by your side, you think about sitting next to me. How we acted like a bunch of young elementary school kids. A horrible example of young love.

Sometimes I like to look at where you are and hope that I might catch you staring at me, if you ever did that. I yearn for your attention. I hope that you do the same.

We _would have_ told each other how we felt, but we _will not_ risk to lose what we have now.

I also sat near you during home room. The first few months, I caught you looking at me.

I didn't think much of it then.

You sit closer to me now. You sit a seat behind me and to the left. You like to kick at my chair and pretend it wasn't you. You could never keep your face straight when I looked behind me and immediately knew it was you. That smile always seems to slowly appear when I look at you. It amazes me how your eyes always has that joyous twinkle in them. My breath hitches whenever I see your rosy cheeks.

You always find a way to talk to me, even when we know we're not supposed to. But you do it anyway. It makes me grateful that you decide to start the conversation, but it always feels like it's not enough. Inside, I'm begging you to say something. To give me a hint that maybe you like me back. That maybe we could be something more than this. Because time is running out.

When that time runs out, I'm so afraid I might never see or talk to you again.

I see you everywhere I go. I think about you wherever I am. I've tried to write songs about you, but I've always been stuck on the same one for the past week.

How do I write a song about someone who can't even be described in comprehensible words?

Let alone sounds or gestures?

I'm completely and utterly obsessed with you. I really don't want to. I hate that you've made me this way. I promised myself _no more crushes, you'll only hurt yourself. _But I still have them. It hurts because I've never been any farther than being friends with someone I like.

It hurts a lot that I'm so shy and so afraid.

I've never been in a relationship and I've already had my heart ripped out of my soul so many times.

I've fallen into weeks of depression and I've even stopped eating sometimes.

Because you'll never realize. Because I'll never tell you. Because you'll never tell me.

Because nothing between us will ever happen.

I cry at night sometimes. I keep seeing your face in my dreams. I want you to go away.

It feels like every single tiny piece of my heart is slowly getting taken away.

It feels like the world is falling at my feet.

Just because you won't ever know. Just because we could have happened. Just because we can still happen. Just because we won't do anything about it.

Just because we _could have_ been something special.

But we _will not _even try to know if we can.


End file.
